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|`Who has pages tonight? > Изюм (записи, возможно интересные автору дневника)


кратко / подробно
четверг, 16 августа 2018 г.
The whole idea of a public online diary is repulsive to me Палантир 17:29:56
All this time I was posting here very sparingly, firstly because I couldn't accempt the notion of anyone seeing my true feelings, secondly because from the very young age I was told that only manipulators and drama queens express their feelings so publicly.
You know. On the internet.

This site's privacy options for posts weren't helping too. Every time I saw the note saying "this post is for myself only" I saw it like "you peasant don't deserve my posts!".
Yeah I was kinda egocentrical and paranoid like that. I still am to some extent - opinions like these still linger at the back of my head.
And also I thought that the perfect place for your emotions thoughts and your worldview is your own head. Maybe because I wasn't allowed to speak up as a little kid and I didn't really expected anyone else to differ from that.

And yet here I am. Coming out of my shell but still hiding behind the wall of foreign language. Yeah I am still kinda scared of an idea of anybody reading this because I don't sant to be seen as a manipulator or a drama queen.

On the other hand - if you're reading this, a randomly english post on russian site, then it probably means you're interested in me. Thank you, I guess.


I haven't told anything actually interesting yet though. If you don't know me, am an artist, a guy, what I thought to be rare around these parts and I've been on this site for a really long time, ten years maybe? I've been erasing and switching around my pages left and right so who cares anymore. It's not like your popularity actually means anything in this barren place.
If you by some miraculous chance know me, then... Long story short I got kicked out of my university for drawing instead of studying, worked here and there until I managed to buy my own apartements and earn money with my art. It happened suddenly and made me very happy for some time. Yet alas I had to move back to my parents because our family business is crumbling to pieces and I'm trying to help as much as I can, liesing my appartements and giving all my money to help sustain the family. Doesn't really look to work very well...

And yeah I became really good at english, go figure.

Eh.
This post won't have any conclusion. I'm just tired of typing.


|`Who has pages tonight? > Изюм (записи, возможно интересные автору дневника)

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